Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
