so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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