Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
