In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
