All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The power of my boobs compel you
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
