I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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