the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
