Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you made out with another girl for some wings
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
