im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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