just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
