Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
