If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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