tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
