i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
