did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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