the new term for farting is butt boxing.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
