at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
