I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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