Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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