I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
