You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
