Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
