Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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