So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
