I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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