I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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