Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
