I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
