You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
