One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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