Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
