Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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