he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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