Porn is love you can see.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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