She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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