pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
