I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
