oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
