He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
