im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
