Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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