If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
