Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
