hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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