I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
