Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
