now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
