I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
