first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
