Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
