I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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