We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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