I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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