At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
