I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
