i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
