they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she peed on how many people?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
