the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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