I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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