And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my being single is dangerous.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
