I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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