Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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