i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
