Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
