Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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