i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize