My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
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Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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