if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
